Mike Gurr spoke to Lon Woodbury on Parent Choices for Struggling Teens about the importance of combating shame. This is a weekly radio show hosted on LA Talk Radio that discusses problems associated with at-risk teens. Mike Gurr is the Clinical Director of Sedona Sky Academy. Lon Woodbury is an Independent Educational Consultant who has worked with families and at-risk adolescents since 1984.
A Brief Bio on Mike Gurr
Sedona Sky Academy is an all girls school in Rim Rock, Arizona. Here Mike Gurr serves as its Clinical Director. Prior to becoming a counselor after getting a master's degree in Professional Counseling from Argosy University, he was a coach in high schools and colleges because had obtained a masters degree from the University of Utah in Exercise and Sport Science.
How Combating Shame Restores Psychological Well-being
It is important that adolescents begin to address the problems of low self-esteem by combating shame, Mike believes.
The belief-system behind shame is that "people would not like me if they really knew me." This belief is expressed through negative self-talk. Adolescents say to themselves: "Who do you think you are?" and "I am not good enough."
The main problem with shame is that it makes people inauthentic. This, then, keeps them small. People who have shame do not feel that they are important enough to belong in their social group. Although shame is a powerful psychological block, it is usually not obvious. This is because people tend to hide it behind a demeanor of stony silence or aggression. Shame correlates with many psychological disorders.
Our achievement based society actively promotes shame, and, in fact, it is considered an essential part of parenting, teaching, and acculturation. However, it results in a person playing the victim, blaming others, feeling apathetic, and assuming an attitude of entitlement.
Letting go of wondering what other people think about us can lead to happiness, loving-kindness, and creative living. The way to do this would be to develop shame resilience. Someone who had developed shame resilience would notice shame-producing people and circumstances, and learn simple skills like speaking through their sense of shame, as well as simply showing up, being present, and staying completely authentic. In essence, combating shame was all about noticing shame triggers and refusing to drawn into feelings of shame.
In closing, Mike shared the process he uses for combating shame at Sedona Sky Academy and gave real-life examples of how he empowered students to quit numbing out and allow themselves to become more vulnerable and authentic.
A Brief Bio on Mike Gurr
Sedona Sky Academy is an all girls school in Rim Rock, Arizona. Here Mike Gurr serves as its Clinical Director. Prior to becoming a counselor after getting a master's degree in Professional Counseling from Argosy University, he was a coach in high schools and colleges because had obtained a masters degree from the University of Utah in Exercise and Sport Science.
How Combating Shame Restores Psychological Well-being
It is important that adolescents begin to address the problems of low self-esteem by combating shame, Mike believes.
The belief-system behind shame is that "people would not like me if they really knew me." This belief is expressed through negative self-talk. Adolescents say to themselves: "Who do you think you are?" and "I am not good enough."
The main problem with shame is that it makes people inauthentic. This, then, keeps them small. People who have shame do not feel that they are important enough to belong in their social group. Although shame is a powerful psychological block, it is usually not obvious. This is because people tend to hide it behind a demeanor of stony silence or aggression. Shame correlates with many psychological disorders.
Our achievement based society actively promotes shame, and, in fact, it is considered an essential part of parenting, teaching, and acculturation. However, it results in a person playing the victim, blaming others, feeling apathetic, and assuming an attitude of entitlement.
Letting go of wondering what other people think about us can lead to happiness, loving-kindness, and creative living. The way to do this would be to develop shame resilience. Someone who had developed shame resilience would notice shame-producing people and circumstances, and learn simple skills like speaking through their sense of shame, as well as simply showing up, being present, and staying completely authentic. In essence, combating shame was all about noticing shame triggers and refusing to drawn into feelings of shame.
In closing, Mike shared the process he uses for combating shame at Sedona Sky Academy and gave real-life examples of how he empowered students to quit numbing out and allow themselves to become more vulnerable and authentic.
About the Author:
Lon Woodbury, the founder of Struggling Teens, has recorded the entire interview on his weekly L.A. Talk Radio show for people to at their convenience.
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